Thursday, January 28, 2010

My hats off to you, Edarem...

What's up world. Hope your week is one from hell, like mine.

For you YouTubers out there, have you heard of Edarem?

Meet Edarem.

If so, great. If not, where have you been? Edarem is awesome. He is THE most aweomse (and sorta creepy) person I've ever seen in my entire life. But you know what? The first time I watched one of his videos, I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. Now, for those who have seen him and don't appreciate his work, I understand. While I find it unfortunate you don't find it hilarious, you are an idiot. Plain and simple. So I thank Edarem for making me laugh.

***Cause it's currently the week from hell, I won't be writing a lot in this post. Get over it. Just watch a video or two.***

Did you ever have a pretty woman?

I can feel it.

To be honest, it really isn't that difficult.

I will not be trying that anytime soon.

Well, there you have it. Featuring over 200 videos, Edarem is there to help you save some salad dressing, slice a bagel into four slices, paint your own shadow, and more!

OF COURSE: I must give credit to Brooke for sharing these delights with me.

She'd also like to remind you to eat your vegetables.

Have a good night everyone. Hopefully you won't have nightmares of Edarem-- like Brooke did.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ode to Judge Judy

Welcome back! Before I begin this next post, I'd like to make a shoutout to the owner of the clothes in Washing Machine B2. There's a reason you're not supposed to leave your laundry unattended, and I just proved that. Maybe you'll follow the rules next time (and maybe I'll remember to look in the machine before I start it).

This post is going to another celebrity. Today, I'd like to mention a special someone who works very hard. She never rests putting criminals in their place-- and yet, she isn't celebrated nearly enough. At this time, I'd like to ask you to put your hands together for none other than Judge Judy Sheindlin.

This is the only time you will see her smile.

Now, most of you know that Judge Judy has a reality television show. Not some reality crap; like Jersey Shore, for instance. The cases are real. The people are real. The verdicts are final. You feel as if you are really in her courtroom! Now that is what I call reality.

Now why is Judge Judy so great?

Simple: She. Knows. Everything.

She really does! She knows what is right and what is wrong. She knows when people are lying or telling the truth. She knows when you're playing dumb or if you're really a dumbass. What more could you want? Even though it will never happen, I can only hope that one day she will become the highest paid government official. In fact, she should be president! She's done more work than Obama will ever do! But, I digress as we do not live in a perfect world.

But most of all, I have to give her credit because she deals with some of the finest idiots the United States of America has to offer. If I were the judge, these people would be getting life sentences just for being ignoramuses. Plus, my brain would probably explode just from having to deal with idiots all day.

Let's bring in our first case.

In the video below, you have a mother and a daughter. The mother and daughter each purchased a cell phone off of the popular bidding site, eBay. The seller (idiot) said she sold them a picture of the cell phone. Wrong. [I suggest watching at 3:01 and 3:40 if you don't have time for all of it.]

Sheer genius.

I would call that intense. But you know what? She got what she deserved. She truly is an outrageous person. I hope she learned her lesson.

Do you understand why she is so tense all the time? Now, I won't bore you with a ton of videos (like my last post) because I know most of you have lives. So please allow me to ask one thing of you: Embrace Judge Judy like I have. She needs it so she can continue to work with the morons. There are two popular ways to support her:

1. Look at her all the time. Set the picture below as the background on your phone.

"You are an outrageous person."

2. Get a tatoo. The one I got (below) is preferred.


Speak the truth!

3. Be your own Judge Judy. That's right, click on the link below for a Judge Judy soundboard. Great for prank calling your bosses and other people you don't like!

For some reason, people think I have this weird obsession with Judge Judy. It is outrageous for you to think that. She is amazing and that is that. You just haven't seen the light yet.

Enjoy your Monday off.

"What do you think?" I want your feedback. Please let me know what you think. Something you would like me to write about? Use the comment link below.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Celebrity of the Century: Sam Pak

I hope those of you who are going to melt your brain at the Lady Gaga concert tonight have a great horrible time. I am, however, thankful you're getting some insight with my blog. That will lessen the effect of her music. Anyway... It's finally here! This award goes to the Celebrity of the Century. Before the introduction, I'd like to give you a little background.

Just over 2 years ago, my family and I arrived in Florida in December. We were spending our Christmas holiday with family. Because I was tired from traveling, the first thing I did when we got to the condo was turn on the TV. Yes, you read correctly. I was in Florida in 70 degree temperatures. The sun was shining. I was out of the Indiana winter. And what did I do? I turned on the television. I'm a lazy American, sue me. I start to flip channels. What I saw changed my life (and my family's life) forever.

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you...

Sam Pak!!


For those of you who don't live in Florida, let me introduce you to Appliance Direct. Opened in 1995, Sam Pak started selling quality, name brand appliances at low prices with great customer service. It's that attitude that has him so successful. Now, what exactly is Sam famous for?

Wakkie Nu Nu



Truck Slap

My personal favorite: Chicken and a Fan

However, don't be fooled by these imitators:

However, I can't give all the credit to just Sam. Please give it up for his co-star, Lee!


Now, I hope you understand why Sam and Lee are getting this award. They both bring happiness to the world (well, mainly Florida)!

But most of all:

I'd like to thank Sam Pak for being a different kind of celebrity. Thank you for not crashing your SUV at 2:28 in the morning. Thank you for not going to rehab every weekend. Thank you for not having an affair with 393,530,028 women. Thank you for not driving drunk. Thank you for not being addicted to drugs. Thank you for not being a weird pop singer. Thank you for not being someone you're not.

Thank you for adding humor to my vacation life. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for your very clever commercials. Thank you for the t-shirt you sent me when I joined your fan club. Thank you for your low priced, name brand appliances. Thank you for teaching me how to cook a better chicken-- with a fan.

Thank you for Appliance Direct. And remember:

"If you didn't buy direct, you paid too much!"

Have a great weekend everyone.

Thanks to & for pictures and info

NEXT UP: Ode to Judge Judy

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Proper Gym Etiquette

***I know I promised my next post to be "The World of Appliance Direct," but a more urgent matter needs to be discussed first.***

Ah, it's that time of year again. You've just returned to school. You've come back refreshed and now you're ready to start the new semester. But you've done something else: you've made New Year's Resolutions. And what is the resolution on the top of everyone's list?

1. Get back in shape.

You know what? That's great. It really is. Staying/getting in shape can have numerous positive effects on your life. These include stress reduction, improved immunity, and lost weight. Now, unfortunately, 50% of you will not even attempt this. If you're the other 50% that was at the RSC tonight, good for you. And also--

Shame on you.

You know what? I apologize. That was just a little too harsh. Let me clarify: where is your common sense (Actually, a friend of mine and I decided to rename it to 'uncommon sense' due to the lack of people that actually use common sense)? I think it's great that you're the half that actually attempted to get back in shape. But please, let me give you some pointers.

1. Wipe down the machines after you use them.

Can you say H1N1?

This is common courtesy (again, uncommon courtesy?). You don't need me to tell you all about the swine flu and spreading germs and washing hands... etc. Lame. We've heard it a million times already. But seriously. I do not enjoy your personal sweat/germs/bodily fluids that are still warm and sticky as I start my workout. It will only take about 15 seconds for you to get a towel and spray the machine down. And if there aren't any towels left, there are several paper towel dispensers around the fitness center.

2. Don't hog the machines.

Imagine this in the fitness center.

The picture above is a public pool in Japan. No, this is not a doctored photo. You have a 30 minute time limit on any cardio machine. Treadmill, elliptical, stationary bike, whatever. Even though you're going at the pace of 1mph, with the incline of 0, and texting/reading/doing homework at the same time, I can't make you get off. However, you're off of that thing as soon as time is up. And also-- in order to lose weight, you actually have to work a little. Crazy, right?

3. Clear the jogging track!

Notice the lines?

Can you see the lines painted on the jogging track? Notice how the runners are staying inside the lines? That's how you're supposed to run. If you're a jogger or walker, stay to the inside of the track. Just like the sign says. I know, CRAZY STUFF!!! Also, I know you might have the urge to run counter-clockwise on the days you're supposed clockwise, but there are people out there who can help you with that. And believe you me, you don't want me to help you with that. 

4. Have a plan.

Why, you look confused!

It doesn't help to just "show up" at the gym. What are you going to do? Cardio? Weights? Yoga? Swimming? Boxing? Basketball? Squash? There are a ton a possibilities. It does not help for you to pick some random machine, that you have no idea how to work, work out for about five minutes, forget to wipe down the machine, and then ponder your next move. Please do not repeat this over and over again. It does not help you and it doesn't help anyone else. If you don't know how to use the piece of equipment, then ask someone. The staff, another student-- anyone. Most of us are willing to help. But just a piece of advice-- I would not advise asking me at the moment.

5. Get out of the way!

Piece. Of. Crap.

Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, you, the group of six girls who work out for about four and a half minutes and then go stand in front of the water fountain and gossip for about 30 minutes. Yes, I know it's a crappy fountain, but I'm thirsty. Get out of my way. Get out of my gym. And stay out.

Again, I encourage you and your health goals. I simply ask that you make it a pleasant experience for everyone.

Before I end, I'd like to make to make a formal complaint. If anyone at the RSC is reading this, pay close attention.

Your staff is worthless.

They're worse than the girls who stand by the water fountain. Just earlier today, I caught them like this:

It's safe to say that no body does anything down there-- oh wait, my mistake. They work very, very hard. Harder than me even! If you consider watching TV and chatting with co-workers working, then yes, they work very hard. It would be nice to have clean towels every once in a while. Check out my pictures of the clean towel basket on a Sunday (a usually slow night) night.











Catching my drift?

Good night everyone. I hope your week is going better than mine. 

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Joy of Traveling

First off, welcome back to campus! Don't worry, I'm not ready to start classes again either.

Here's what I promised from my last blog! I recently did some traveling over Christmas break. I went to Florida to escape the cold and catch some rays. Unfortunately, there weren't many to catch (that's a different story). Before I left for my trip, I decided that I would blog about "people watching." Airports are great places to do that. So please enjoy "The Joy of Traveling" featuring "The Art of People Watching."

After taking to the skies over 65 times in the last couple years, I've decided to proclaim myself an expert on how to fly commercially.

We'll start this off with my flights home. I started in RSW bright and early at 4:45am. Ouch. But that's the price to pay (some of it) these days. A machine checked me in-- that's right, a machine!

The machine.

Now, don't get me wrong. Using the machine was a thrill (except for the fact I only had to swipe my card about 20 times before it accepted it), but I prefer a bright, smiling face to print out my boarding passes. 

She even remembered my priority luggage tags!

After she scolded me for having my bag one pound overweight, it was time to head off to security. Now, this is whole other story. You basically get in a really long line, take off your shoes, coat, and belt, and then you go through a metal detector. This is the least fun part of airline travel. But wait-- they now have X-Ray vision! That's right, they now can see under your clothes. Creepy, eh? But there is good news. They sell souvenir T-shirts!

This is what mine said.

And you know what? They even treat poor old nuns like criminals too! Shame on you, TSA.

Well that looks wrong.

***A Note: My special "people watching" photos start below. Any of the following pictures that appear to be of poor quality are mine. I was taking them incognito with my iPhone. I apologize.***

I made it to my gate about 10 minutes before boarding began (yes, I know I was cutting it close). Of course the gate lice were already at the gate. For those un-frequent travelers, gate lice are the people who pretend they are important by standing at the gate 30 minutes before boarding even begins (look for them next time you fly). They pass the time by clicking away on their crackberries. The gate lice today seemed to be business men finishing off a vacation so the outfit of choice were jeans and a suit jacket. Gotta keep it classy!

The ones standing against the wall.


I was even able to photograph one up close!

Boarding was called not long later and I strode past the gate lice on to my aircraft for the ride to Philly, an A320.

That's one sexy airplane.

As the other passengers settled in, I enjoyed a pre-departure ginger ale and some biscoff cookies. I wanted to save my appetite for the delicious airplane breakfast!

Mmmm. Delicious.

 After I devoured that delicious, comparable to a five-star restaurant meal, I just chilled out and listened to music. Now whether you're flying to ORD or PVG or HAJ or BOB (bonus points to whoever can explain to me what (and which ones) those are-- use the comment field at the end of the post), there are some things about flying that never change. For example: you're always going to encounter some surly airline employee at least once. Period. Flight attendant, ticket counter, or gate agent-- you'll get one. I promise. On my most recent flight (CLT-RSW), a flight attendant totally 'pwned' this lady for trying to steal a pillow. She definitely could have been nicer about it. Later, I caught her off the job giving another employee a back massage! She could have been serving me another drink!

Talk about unprofessional.

Now why can't we have flight attendants like the one below?


The rest of the flight was uneventful. We landed in PHL early (due to tailwinds) and I made my way to the B Terminal for my connecting flight to Indy. But first, I had some something on my list to check off-- a Philly Cheesesteak.


It was toungegasmic (The word is copyrighted to Brooke Florence C.)!

Now, for those of you who don't know, a lot of guys who wear Red Sox and White Sox caps aren't really fans and don't give a shit about the teams. Therefore, you're automatically labeled a douchebag (AKA 'bandwagon fans' ©Alex Futter). I was able to spot two of these at the airport.


Douche number one.

This kid actually ended up being on my flight.

After my delicious lunch, I started people watching hardcore.

The TSA had just finished an unnecessary round of random gate checks.

These two clowns wanted me to sign up for a credit card. I told them I already had one. I'm so sneaky.


Get this: the guy in the Harley jacket had a puppy in the bag he was carrying.


She almost ran me over while she was texting!


Uh oh, a child little devil! She better not be on my flight (she was)!

Super mom races the cart driver.


The others going to Indianapolis.


"The Gamer" ©Wara Rollano


Santa Claus!


Dude, you're like 70 now, quit the cool guy act.


Meet Kathy, my flight attendant. She was really nice.


"It's my newspaper damnit!"


Another passenger gets frisky with Kathy.

These days, traveling is more of a chore. And getting there is definitely NOT half the fun. But there is one good thing about travel:

Returning home.

 Sweet embrace.

Have a great week.

NEXT UP: The World of Appliance Direct

DISCLAIMER: Again, I'm poking fun. If you don't think it's funny, screw you.