The Joy of Traveling

First off, welcome back to campus! Don't worry, I'm not ready to start classes again either.

Here's what I promised from my last blog! I recently did some traveling over Christmas break. I went to Florida to escape the cold and catch some rays. Unfortunately, there weren't many to catch (that's a different story). Before I left for my trip, I decided that I would blog about "people watching." Airports are great places to do that. So please enjoy "The Joy of Traveling" featuring "The Art of People Watching."

After taking to the skies over 65 times in the last couple years, I've decided to proclaim myself an expert on how to fly commercially.

We'll start this off with my flights home. I started in RSW bright and early at 4:45am. Ouch. But that's the price to pay (some of it) these days. A machine checked me in-- that's right, a machine!

The machine.

Now, don't get me wrong. Using the machine was a thrill (except for the fact I only had to swipe my card about 20 times before it accepted it), but I prefer a bright, smiling face to print out my boarding passes. 

She even remembered my priority luggage tags!

After she scolded me for having my bag one pound overweight, it was time to head off to security. Now, this is whole other story. You basically get in a really long line, take off your shoes, coat, and belt, and then you go through a metal detector. This is the least fun part of airline travel. But wait-- they now have X-Ray vision! That's right, they now can see under your clothes. Creepy, eh? But there is good news. They sell souvenir T-shirts!

This is what mine said.

And you know what? They even treat poor old nuns like criminals too! Shame on you, TSA.

Well that looks wrong.

***A Note: My special "people watching" photos start below. Any of the following pictures that appear to be of poor quality are mine. I was taking them incognito with my iPhone. I apologize.***

I made it to my gate about 10 minutes before boarding began (yes, I know I was cutting it close). Of course the gate lice were already at the gate. For those un-frequent travelers, gate lice are the people who pretend they are important by standing at the gate 30 minutes before boarding even begins (look for them next time you fly). They pass the time by clicking away on their crackberries. The gate lice today seemed to be business men finishing off a vacation so the outfit of choice were jeans and a suit jacket. Gotta keep it classy!

The ones standing against the wall.

 

I was even able to photograph one up close!

Boarding was called not long later and I strode past the gate lice on to my aircraft for the ride to Philly, an A320.

That's one sexy airplane.

As the other passengers settled in, I enjoyed a pre-departure ginger ale and some biscoff cookies. I wanted to save my appetite for the delicious airplane breakfast!

Mmmm. Delicious.

 After I devoured that delicious, comparable to a five-star restaurant meal, I just chilled out and listened to music. Now whether you're flying to ORD or PVG or HAJ or BOB (bonus points to whoever can explain to me what (and which ones) those are-- use the comment field at the end of the post), there are some things about flying that never change. For example: you're always going to encounter some surly airline employee at least once. Period. Flight attendant, ticket counter, or gate agent-- you'll get one. I promise. On my most recent flight (CLT-RSW), a flight attendant totally 'pwned' this lady for trying to steal a pillow. She definitely could have been nicer about it. Later, I caught her off the job giving another employee a back massage! She could have been serving me another drink!

Talk about unprofessional.

Now why can't we have flight attendants like the one below?

Damn.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. We landed in PHL early (due to tailwinds) and I made my way to the B Terminal for my connecting flight to Indy. But first, I had some something on my list to check off-- a Philly Cheesesteak.

 

It was toungegasmic (The word is copyrighted to Brooke Florence C.)!

Now, for those of you who don't know, a lot of guys who wear Red Sox and White Sox caps aren't really fans and don't give a shit about the teams. Therefore, you're automatically labeled a douchebag (AKA 'bandwagon fans' ©Alex Futter). I was able to spot two of these at the airport.

 

Douche number one.

This kid actually ended up being on my flight.

After my delicious lunch, I started people watching hardcore.

The TSA had just finished an unnecessary round of random gate checks.

These two clowns wanted me to sign up for a credit card. I told them I already had one. I'm so sneaky.

 

Get this: the guy in the Harley jacket had a puppy in the bag he was carrying.

 

She almost ran me over while she was texting!

 

Uh oh, a child little devil! She better not be on my flight (she was)!

Super mom races the cart driver.

 

The others going to Indianapolis.

 

"The Gamer" ©Wara Rollano

 

Santa Claus!

 

Dude, you're like 70 now, quit the cool guy act.

 

Meet Kathy, my flight attendant. She was really nice.

 

"It's my newspaper damnit!"

 

Another passenger gets frisky with Kathy.

These days, traveling is more of a chore. And getting there is definitely NOT half the fun. But there is one good thing about travel:

Returning home.

 Sweet embrace.

 

 

---

Have a great week.

NEXT UP: The World of Appliance Direct

DISCLAIMER: Again, I'm poking fun. If you don't think it's funny, screw you.

John G. Shedd's Newest Scam: Fantasea

First and foremost, I'd like to wish all of my readers a Merry Christmas! I hope you were able to spend time with the ones you love. Now on to the blog!

Right after finals, I went on a trip to Chicago with Purdue's Hotel Sales & Marketing Association (HSMA). This was our incentive blitz for the semester. As a few of our members had not been to Chitown before, we decided to go to Shedd's Aquarium.

The John G. Shedd Aquarium

Now, for those of you who have not been to Shedd's Aquarium, it's a must-see the next time you're there. There are over 14,000 different species (please don't quote me on that number, I'm pretty sure it's wrong but there were still a ton of fish and other sea creatures) of fish! Take a look at my awesome pictures below.

Simply amazing photography, right?

 

Clown fish

I told you they were awesome.

Now, when we had checked into the museum, we were urged to make time to go see the "Fantasea" show. Apparently, it was a new and improved animal show. They had just spent 4 months redesigning it and it was really amazing; so we were told. So after viewing various kinds of fish, we made our way to the arena for the 3:30pm show. According to the signs, Fantasea was where we were supposed to "Let the journey begin..." Now, I was a little unsure as to what 'journey' we would be embarking on. Obviously, it was some promotional ploy. You see everything these days, I guess.

I was really scared at this point...

We found some seats (it was packed) surrounded by a bunch of children little devils.

Great, this will be a wonderful show. Soon enough, the lights dimmed and some new age music started playing. They asked us to turn off the flash on our cameras and then things started going. All of a sudden, a few ripples went across the still water and these über-creepy "things" came out of the water and started doing these weird dances and made moaning noises.

I introduce: Freak Number One.

 

Freak Number Two. Sorry for the blurriness.

Last but not least (not).

They then announced that they would need a 'volunteer' from the audience. Then, this 'random little girl' was 'randomly picked' out of the crowd. She was full of excitement (a little bit too full) as she made her way down to the stage. Then, another 'thing' presented her with this necklace out of an oversized, plastic oyster shell.

"Random" little girl getting her necklace.

Again, full of excitement, she eagerly showed the crowd her newly prized possession. About half a second later, a boat (yes, a boat) descended from the ceiling! Wowee! The little girl, full of excitement (at this point, I'm pretty sure she's full of shit), and the thing both got into the boat (can you say molestation charges) and floated away into the magical, screen-projected sky!

Can you say Amber Alert? I did.

 

If only the cables had snapped... now THAT would be a show!

After she crossed the sea in the magical boat, she landed on Plymouth Rock and then a thing came out of the rock and they started playing with the Beluga Whales. Then some dolphins came out and did a couple of tricks

I've only seen dolphin jumps like a million times.

After that, some penguins (that had been crammed in a cart) came out and walked across the stage. Let me tell you, they were not happy. I'm thinking about suing for animal cruelty. Anyone have the number for the A.S.P.C.A.? After the lame penguins, everything when quiet again. All of a sudden, the sounds of flapping wings flooded our ears and out of nowhere, a bird man was flying all around us! Actually, he was just attached to a string being moved around. Lame.

I think this was Lame Freak #593019384092428025983902 of the show.

Not even his wings were flapping! After the bird man departed us, that damn boat appeared again and took the little girl back across the water. After she got out of the boat, her mother came out of the audience and they gave each other a big hug!

Mom: "I was worried sick when they took you!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was it. The show lasted maybe 30 minutes. I was so disappointed with the show. It had horrible acting and I didn't get to pet a single animal. Talk about a scam. I left asking myself what I had paid for. Did I pay for a mediocre, over the top, Vegas-style dolphin show? Absolutely not! I bet that if John G. Shedd knew what was going on (let alone be alive), he would probably pull his funding and take his name off of the building. In conclusion, you should not go and see "Fantasea." Do not "let your journey begin." If you do, you will suffer from unfortunate effects. When we left the show, it left all of us in bad moods. Especially Wara.

---

 Enjoy the rest of your break everyone. 

PS: Shoutouts to Derek Nicholson & Wara Rollano for some of the pictures.

NEXT BLOG:
"The Art of People Watching"


DISCLAIMER: This blog is only intended to poke fun. If you don't find this funny, then screw you.

 

Idiot of the Century: Tiger Woods

Hello, dear friends. If you're taking finals this week, I hope they're going well.

Today's post features the winner of a very important award:

Come on down,

Tiger Woods!

You're the very first recipient of the Idiot of the Century Award!!

Now don't look too excited!!

Oh boy, this is gonna be fun. Now, I'm sure all of you know about how the most-paid athlete, Tiger Woods, crashed his Cadillac SUV into a tree, at 2:28am.

 

That poor tree. Never had a chance.

The drama ensued with several women claiming to be having an affair with him. Uh oh, trouble with the wife. This is especially unfortunate for Tiger-- because his wife is really hot. See below.

Damn.

Now, Tiger: If you had a wife this hot, then why did you go and cheat on her? Plus, you had a kid! What a shame. I feel bad for your supermodel wife and child. It's pretty much a domino effect from there. He loses his fancy car, his wife, his mistresses, takes an 'indefinite' break from golf, and his dignity. Oh yeah, he also loses a ton of sponsorships. Bye bye moolah.

Don't feel too bad for tiger, he still has one very important sponsor:

Worth $200 Million.

No, that's not the actual ad. But Tiger Woods just signed a deal with Trojan Condoms worth $200 Million. No joke. How sad is that?

About a week later after the stories broke, one of his several mistresses came forward. This is what she looked like:

Dead sexy.

After the first came forward, the rest came pouring in:

 

He must have a thing for the crazy ones.

  

 I know what I want for Christmas... a trip to rehab!

 He also likes aliens.

Now what's the moral of the story? Don't be the most paid and most recognized athlete on the planet, don't earn a ton of money, don't have a hot supermodel wife, don't cheat on your hot supermodel wife, don't crash your neat-o SUV into a poor tree, don't lose all that money, don't ruin your family, and don't scar your child's life forever. Also, don't flush every last ounce of your dignity down the toilet.

---

That's all folks. Have a wonderful Christmas holiday.