Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Idiot of the Century: Tiger Woods

Hello, dear friends. If you're taking finals this week, I hope they're going well.

Today's post features the winner of a very important award:

Come on down,

Tiger Woods!

You're the very first recipient of the Idiot of the Century Award!!

Now don't look too excited!!

Oh boy, this is gonna be fun. Now, I'm sure all of you know about how the most-paid athlete, Tiger Woods, crashed his Cadillac SUV into a tree, at 2:28am.

That poor tree. Never had a chance.

The drama ensued with several women claiming to be having an affair with him. Uh oh, trouble with the wife. This is especially unfortunate for Tiger-- because his wife is really hot. See below.


Now, Tiger: If you had a wife this hot, then why did you go and cheat on her? Plus, you had a kid! What a shame. I feel bad for your supermodel wife and child. It's pretty much a domino effect from there. He loses his fancy car, his wife, his mistresses, takes an 'indefinite' break from golf, and his dignity. Oh yeah, he also loses a ton of sponsorships. Bye bye moolah.

Don't feel too bad for tiger, he still has one very important sponsor:

Worth $200 Million.

No, that's not the actual ad. But Tiger Woods just signed a deal with Trojan Condoms worth $200 Million. No joke. How sad is that?

About a week later after the stories broke, one of his several mistresses came forward. This is what she looked like:

Dead sexy.

After the first came forward, the rest came pouring in:


He must have a thing for the crazy ones.


 I know what I want for Christmas... a trip to rehab!

 He also likes aliens.

Now what's the moral of the story? Don't be the most paid and most recognized athlete on the planet, don't earn a ton of money, don't have a hot supermodel wife, don't cheat on your hot supermodel wife, don't crash your neat-o SUV into a poor tree, don't lose all that money, don't ruin your family, and don't scar your child's life forever. Also, don't flush every last ounce of your dignity down the toilet.

That's all folks. Have a wonderful Christmas holiday.

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