Friday, December 11, 2009

Shame on you, MTV

You'd better watch out, I'm on the warpath today.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, I am upset about the shit we call MTV.

Last week, my roommate started watching this show called 'Jersey Shore.' What is this show about? Jersey Shore is a show about 25-30 year old college high school dropouts. They move to this beach house for the summer to work in some dumpy t-shirt shop. Here's a picture of it:

What a nice place!

Now, I do have to sympathize with the characters. This is their first REAL job! I give them credit! They go out on their own and get their first job at age 30. Mom and Dad must miss them living at home! I can imagine them being very proud as well.

Now, who are the characters? Well, there are two types of people: Guidos and Guidettes.

According to, this is what they are:

"An Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to "hit the clubs" long into his mid to late 30's. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette."

Sounds like a bunch of winners to me. In fact, I've even posted a picture of the cast below:

Like I said, winners!

So what does the show entail? Just about how they have to get up at the crack of noon to go to work at the t-shirt shop. They have to work really long 4 hour shifts (and I thought my 8 hour shifts were long) folding t-shirts and helping customers. Unfortunately, they are not good at either of these things. Half of them are busy vomiting in the bathroom (from getting wasted the night before) and missing work, so they get in trouble with their boss.


Looks like fun!

But don't worry, they have 10 chances to make it up to their boss. So what do they do in their free time? The girls usually go out and be whores. The guys go out and be manwhores. Surprising, no? Then they squabble with each other about how they're all whores and now they need to filter the hot tub.

And sadly, that's where it ends. The ENTIRE show is about that. Stupid drama. But wait, you're probably hungry for more drama. "The Hills" is next! Oh wait, you're right! That's another reality show! In fact, actors on "The Hills" are trying to act like it's reality. The acting is so awful-- so awful that I'm at a loss for words. See for yourself:

They seem like good friends.

Are your eyes bleeding too?

For the record, I'm pretty sure my dog, Gus, and I could do better acting.

This is Gus.

So American teenagers/adolescents/college kids-- I ask you the most important question I will ever ask you:

Why, oh why, do you like these shows?

According to my roommate, it's because people are trying to fill the hole in their lives-- the hole of useless, lame drama. Apparently, some people even wish they were on shows like these! They want excitement!

So, my message to you is this:

You don't need this kind of shit in your lives. In fact, you should be thankful that you aren't one of these people and you should do everything in your power to avoid becoming like them.

Oh: MTV? Shame on you. You need to rename your network to CTV. Crap Television.

Clever, no?

At least in Europe they still show music videos.

Have a good weekend everyone.
Study for those finals!


1 comment: