Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Proper Gym Etiquette

***I know I promised my next post to be "The World of Appliance Direct," but a more urgent matter needs to be discussed first.***

Ah, it's that time of year again. You've just returned to school. You've come back refreshed and now you're ready to start the new semester. But you've done something else: you've made New Year's Resolutions. And what is the resolution on the top of everyone's list?

1. Get back in shape.

You know what? That's great. It really is. Staying/getting in shape can have numerous positive effects on your life. These include stress reduction, improved immunity, and lost weight. Now, unfortunately, 50% of you will not even attempt this. If you're the other 50% that was at the RSC tonight, good for you. And also--

Shame on you.

You know what? I apologize. That was just a little too harsh. Let me clarify: where is your common sense (Actually, a friend of mine and I decided to rename it to 'uncommon sense' due to the lack of people that actually use common sense)? I think it's great that you're the half that actually attempted to get back in shape. But please, let me give you some pointers.

1. Wipe down the machines after you use them.

Can you say H1N1?

This is common courtesy (again, uncommon courtesy?). You don't need me to tell you all about the swine flu and spreading germs and washing hands... etc. Lame. We've heard it a million times already. But seriously. I do not enjoy your personal sweat/germs/bodily fluids that are still warm and sticky as I start my workout. It will only take about 15 seconds for you to get a towel and spray the machine down. And if there aren't any towels left, there are several paper towel dispensers around the fitness center.

2. Don't hog the machines.

Imagine this in the fitness center.

The picture above is a public pool in Japan. No, this is not a doctored photo. You have a 30 minute time limit on any cardio machine. Treadmill, elliptical, stationary bike, whatever. Even though you're going at the pace of 1mph, with the incline of 0, and texting/reading/doing homework at the same time, I can't make you get off. However, you're off of that thing as soon as time is up. And also-- in order to lose weight, you actually have to work a little. Crazy, right?

3. Clear the jogging track!

Notice the lines?

Can you see the lines painted on the jogging track? Notice how the runners are staying inside the lines? That's how you're supposed to run. If you're a jogger or walker, stay to the inside of the track. Just like the sign says. I know, CRAZY STUFF!!! Also, I know you might have the urge to run counter-clockwise on the days you're supposed clockwise, but there are people out there who can help you with that. And believe you me, you don't want me to help you with that. 

4. Have a plan.

Why, you look confused!

It doesn't help to just "show up" at the gym. What are you going to do? Cardio? Weights? Yoga? Swimming? Boxing? Basketball? Squash? There are a ton a possibilities. It does not help for you to pick some random machine, that you have no idea how to work, work out for about five minutes, forget to wipe down the machine, and then ponder your next move. Please do not repeat this over and over again. It does not help you and it doesn't help anyone else. If you don't know how to use the piece of equipment, then ask someone. The staff, another student-- anyone. Most of us are willing to help. But just a piece of advice-- I would not advise asking me at the moment.

5. Get out of the way!

Piece. Of. Crap.

Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, you, the group of six girls who work out for about four and a half minutes and then go stand in front of the water fountain and gossip for about 30 minutes. Yes, I know it's a crappy fountain, but I'm thirsty. Get out of my way. Get out of my gym. And stay out.

Again, I encourage you and your health goals. I simply ask that you make it a pleasant experience for everyone.

Before I end, I'd like to make to make a formal complaint. If anyone at the RSC is reading this, pay close attention.

Your staff is worthless.

They're worse than the girls who stand by the water fountain. Just earlier today, I caught them like this:

It's safe to say that no body does anything down there-- oh wait, my mistake. They work very, very hard. Harder than me even! If you consider watching TV and chatting with co-workers working, then yes, they work very hard. It would be nice to have clean towels every once in a while. Check out my pictures of the clean towel basket on a Sunday (a usually slow night) night.











Catching my drift?

Good night everyone. I hope your week is going better than mine. 

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